Getting Back to Roots

It recently occurred to me that the original intent of this blog has gone by the wayside a bit. What started as a journey toward better health has culminated into pretty much whatever life throws at me in the moment. And, while I’m ok with that, I did feel like perhaps the occasional mention of what brought me here in the first place would be appropriate.

It really has nothing to do with New Year’s. I know most people make resolutions, and one of the most popular resolutions is to lose weight/get healthy. Sure I want to do those things, too, but I gave up resolutions some time ago. You can read why here: New Year 2011

No, it’s really more because I’ve neglected my blog for so long, despite having many, many things to say. It’s feeling like I owe it to myself to take just a few moments every couple of days to write something just for me. So if you’ll forgive me a few hundred words, I’d like to ramble a bit.

No Real Progress

Back when I was searching for the trigger for my dyshidrosis, I became convinced caffeine had a major role. After switching to decaf coffee and caffeine-free cokes, I experimented with adding a little caffeine back at a time to see how much I could tolerate. This experiment showed me that I was quite mistaken in my hypothesis, which resulted in my reverting back into every bit the caffeine addict I was before the onset of the eczema.

Sometime last year, I decided (again) that I should lose some weight. I knew I’d have to stop drinking so blasted much sugar in order to do it, but I honestly could not bear to give up the Cokes…or the caffeine. So I tried my hand (again) with diet drinks. After a week or so, I kind of got used to the unholy taste, and continued that habit until most recently.

Which brings me to this: what kind of sense does that even make? You can’t stand the taste of something, you know how dangerous aspartame is, and yet you force yourself to become accustomed to it because you don’t want to quit drinking coke altogether??? Yes, my logic astounds even myself.

Back to the Real Stuff

I began noticing a few weeks ago that every time I’d drink one of those wretched diet drinks, I’d become nauseated. Finally, I had enough and switched back (again) to the stuff with the high fructose corn syrup. Aye, me. What will I do with myself?

Perhaps the good news is that I’m not drinking 6+ Cokes per day like I was this time last year. I simply couldn’t tolerate that many when I was on the diet version, and I suppose I haven’t had time to ease back into that habit yet. The bad news is that I’m not compensating for that with water. No…I’m just drinking a pot or more of coffee every day. Yeah…that’s gotta be good for me.

I don’t mean to say I’m giving up or sound like I’m defeated. I’m not. I also don’t mean to give the impression that “this year is gonna be my year to do this.” Like I said…I stopped doing that a while ago. I'm just rambling my way around to a point, that's all.

Sorting it Out

I guess what I am saying is that this is still something I’d like to do. The whole get healthy thing, that is. Perhaps I’ve just realized that I don’t want to do it bad enough yet. Oh, I want it. I just want it to be easy, that’s all. Well…maybe not easy, but at least not require much of a time commitment from me. And it’s not possible without a time commitment. And it’s not like I didn’t know that already or this is some grand epiphany for me. I’m just talking. 

Perhaps the point is that I know the things I would like to do and then I know the things that I need to do. And, while my health is certainly important, there are other things with just as high of a priority that need my attention right now. I won’t say I don’t have time…we are all given the same number of minutes in a day and plenty of people manage to make excellent use of their time.

For me, though, I’m not programmed to be a super achiever. My mama will testify that I’ve never gotten in a hurry to do anything in my life. Oh, I rush when it comes down to the wire, but you won’t find me in any grand hurry until it’s reached critical mass. I have so much going on that I am in a constant state of rushing, yes, but rarely about the things that I want to do. There’s just always ten thousand things that need to be done at any given moment, at least half of which are reaching critical mass.

Rationalizations?

Yeah, I’m sure all of this sounds like one big rationalization to justify habits that are bad for me. It’s not meant to be. I’m not saying that there’s no harm in living on caffeine, not eating as often or as well as I should, smoking, and keeping a sleep schedule that defies all rhyme or reason. I do acknowledge the harm in all of it and the need to address each of those things.

I also acknowledge that there are limits to what I can do. Could I do more if I got a handle on my bad habits and became more rested and healthy? Of course I could. Won’t deny that. It would be insane to argue otherwise.

Getting Back to the Real Roots

But you know what I’ve decided? I’ve decided I can’t do much of anything on my own. Oh yes, God gave me abilities and talents, and I make very good use of some of them—and I praise His name for giving them to me. But I also know this: I’ve been trying to do things my way by my grand plans on my time schedule for at least 15 years now. It isn’t working. If it were, things would be much different for me today. I’m a great planner….terrible executioner. I might have mentioned that before.

So here’s the deal. I know at least two dozen things in my life that I need to get a handle on and improve, my coke and caffeine addiction being pretty high on that list. None—not one—of my schemes to take care of them have worked for very long. So I’m going to change tactics and do something that I have known all along is what I should have been doing. I’m going to give it ALL to Him. 

God knows what I need to do and when I need to do it. I have come to realize something I’ve known for a long time but failed to practice: that if I would just seek Him, love Him, trust Him, and listen to Him, He will guide my path. When the time is right for a specific change, He’ll place a burden on my heart about it. And if He asks me to do something, He WILL give me the grace and strength to see it through. This He promises. He doesn’t promise it will be easy, but He does promise never to leave me.

So I don’t know which aspect of my life He’ll choose to address first, but I do know this: it will be the one that is most important at the time in accordance with His perfect will. If it’s the Coke, then it’s the Coke. If it’s my sleep, then it’s sleep. If it’s spending more time on household chores, well….that’s what it is. Even if it’s something as small as spending less time on Facebook, I will trust that it is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing at the time.

The point is, I realize He’s not going to do it for me, but He will be with me as long as I am obedient. So yeah, I need to do some things. A lot of things. But I’m over trying to figure it out myself. The best thing I can do for my health, both physical and spiritual, is to turn my focus upward and be receptive to the instructions that follow. Now….applying this knowledge? That is my first challenge.