Cold Feet and Second Thoughts

I’m getting just a tad bit anxious about tomorrow. I survived the trip to Earth Fare ON CAMPUS of a major university with ALL THREE of my lovely children…and they all lived, so we’re calling it a success. Note to self: Next time you plan to go to Earth Fare, don’t do it on a Friday night while all the students have the same idea.

Despite the crowd and the rain and the incessant “I want this!/Can we get that?/Oooh, what’s this?”’s, it was a good trip. We all got a plate from the hot bar and ate in the car. S, my youngest, stole ¾ of my salmon filet, but it’s ok. I ate her salad, so I guess we’re even. The fact that she did not want her salad and I did want my salmon is irrelevant. I’m just happy she enjoys healthy foods.

Making my way out of downtown with my loot, I started to question the wisdom of this decision. Am I really ready to take this thing on again? I’ve been planning it for so long that I guess it felt like the day would never come. Now that it’s nearly upon me, it’s like “Oh crap! Did I really mean to do this?”

C, my husband, has been “helping” to get rid of the remaining Coke in the house. I’m down to 2 cans and I have no doubt they will be gone before I go to bed tonight. I had to stop at Ingles for some more affordable necessities for the family, and one of my rituals with grocery shopping is to buy a Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino to reward myself for not going psycho. I got one, despite knowing it was a bad idea, and enjoyed every last drop of it. Farewell, Starbucks. :’(

Now I’m sitting here just pondering the wisdom of the thing I’m about to do. I have about 2 hours worth of work I need to do, so it is possible that I may make it to bed before midnight tonight. Whether or not I will actually sleep is another thing entirely, but we’ll see.

I know this is the right thing to do. I do. I just know that tomorrow’s going to be miserable and it’s difficult to 

intentionally do something that you know will make you sick. On the other hand, I’ve been slowly making myself sick on a daily basis through my lifestyle choices and didn’t think too much about it at the time. It’s just that the bad kind of sick is much more enjoyable achieving than the good kind of sick. Yeah, that made no sense to anyone but me, but there it is.

I’ve just got cold feet, that’s all. I will do this and I will be successful. I’ve invested too much to back out now and my health is at stake. I’ll feel better about it after tomorrow’s over with. For now, I refuse to let fear of discomfort derail me. Onward!